Poison Ivy—No Stars, Can't Recommend

But there are some bright spots, and not all of them are red.

Photo by James Whitney on Unsplash

Now and then we all find ourselves in situations where we would rather not be. That’s life—it happens, and there we are.

Some of these situations might be real jams, with serious, life-altering implications. For example, losing a job or having a medical misfortune can really run things off the rails for a while, if not forever.

Other situations might be only inconvenient, with minor or transient consequences. For example, you might arrive at the grocery realizing that you have left your shopping list home, or you’ve overlooked adjusting a dinner reservation after adding a couple of friends to your group.

But whether a situation is a hardship or just a hassle, it’s usually possible to find a silver lining, something to make you appreciate that, as difficult or unwelcome as a situation may be, it could be worse in some way.

The reason I am thinking about all of this is because I have a raging, fiery poison ivy rash, and, as I left the house this morning to do a few errands, I thought that it would be worth my time to consider some of the upsides of having this rash so that I don't start having pity parties for myself, because I would be the only one attending, and where is the fun in that? None, as far as I can tell.

One thing that I can appreciate about my poison ivy rash is that it is not measles. As the rash began to appear, it occurred to me that the red spots might be measles. But I knew this was unlikely because

1. I was vaccinated against measles as a child,

2. I had a measles booster six months ago for a volunteer opportunity at a hospital, and

3. I don't care what R. F. K., Jr., says, vaccines work.

Plus, just two days before the rash began appearing, I had been working in the yard. It made sense that the yard work led to my rash.

If I were to go to a horse racing track and hear galloping, it would be logical to conclude that horses were making the galloping noise and not zebras or donkeys. The most obvious explanation for something is often the correct one.

Along with the rash not being measles, I appreciate that it has brought some nice color to my cheeks. I don't wear makeup but, if I did, I could easily forgo using blush at the moment.

I also appreciate the fullness that the inflammation has brought to my face. Almost two years ago I had a health crisis. I lost a lot of weight. I looked very gaunt. It was not a good look. Although I have regained the weight, my face has stayed slimmer than I would like.

Now I have cheeks that are both rosy and round. I look healthy and well despite feeling as if I am bathing in rocket fuel.

I have also been impressed with poison ivy’s ability to irritate places on my body far from its primary contact with my hands. In addition to my face and neck, the rash appears on my right hip, behind my left knee, the tops of both thighs, and in an angry red spill across my abdomen.

I wore long sleeves, pants, and gloves when I was working in the yard. I am very grateful that my eyes, mouth, and lungs were not exposed. A rash in those places, and a few others that come to mind, would probably require medical attention and involve a great deal more discomfort.

When I began working in the yard, I thought I had been careful about protecting myself from the light green leaves and their taut, shiny red stems and the invisible rash-inducing oil that they produce, but I suppose I was not careful enough. Lesson learned—I can never be too careful dealing with poison ivy.

I have also had some fun turning the rash into a game. How long can I go without scratching it? So far, I have lasted as long as eight minutes and 26 seconds ignoring the itch. I haven’t found much relief in using calamine lotion and other over-the-counter remedies.

I know that scratching the rash can aggravate it. This is unfortunate. Scratching sometimes provides relief that feels nothing less than ecstasy. This is because scratching can release the “feel-good” hormone seratonin. This paradox has given me unexpected insight into how behaviors such as scratching can become addictive—another lesson learned.

Waking up with the rash on the second day of having it, I felt very fortunate that I didn’t need to be anywhere right away and that I had some time after breakfast to lie on the living room floor with an ice pack on my face and another one on my neck. I was also thinking, God, this feels so good—thank you!

And I recognized the biggest saving grace of all. As unpleasant as this experience is, it won’t last forever, even if it feels like it.

You may also support my work at Buy Me a Coffee.